Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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