KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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