i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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