the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
