she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
