I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize