Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
