I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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