The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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