I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
