So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
