Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
