your room smells of hookers.
And success
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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