He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize