i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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