There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
