when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
