Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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