Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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