Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
