Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
