You just made me feel so damn special
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
