some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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