we made out on top of his cat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
