just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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