Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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