I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
