Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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