those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
