I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize