I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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