Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
