Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
