Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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