the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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