Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize