it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
