Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
