I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
