Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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