U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
