Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
