she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
