fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize