so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
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