she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
