Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
