I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
