do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
