why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
