So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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