yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
