I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize