we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
