Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
