you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
