I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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