my mouth tastes like poor choices
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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