Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
