It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
