Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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