Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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