Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
