I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
