dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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