Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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