Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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