why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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