OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
