i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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