Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
