then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
