is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My penis needs a shock collar
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
